Twists & Turns: Is It August Already?!

What happened? Why is it already August? Where did the summer go. Heck, where did the whole first six months of the year go?

Does time pass faster when it's over 100 degrees? Has it melted my brain?

Are the kids back in school already? Have you been dreaming, or rather night-maring, about school clothes and supplies?

Did you even have time for a vacation this year? Wait, what vacation? If you're like me there is hardly time or money and your best friend is named Stress.

Why? Well, let me take you on a little trip through my month so far. We recently had a series of problems at our house. They mostly involved water or how to make sure it gets to the house, in the house and into whatever you need water for. It became an altogether challenging and quite expensive problem. Not to mention the record-breaking heat that had grown men (plumbers) lying about under my pear trees trying to find a sliver of shade.

The more days the workmen stayed, the more of my yard got savaged by a huge excavator as they tried to find the right pipe to connect to the new water meter. And my temper level approached the thermometer level every time they reported 'No ma'am we haven't found the pipe yet.

Let me interject here that the whole problem started because the old water meter was on another street across a cotton field. It kept breaking… and breaking… and breaking. So, we did the sensible thing to do (or so we hoped) and chose to move the new meter (with a different water company) closer to the house.

At least the workmen managed to save my stately 40-year-old hedges in front of the house. That might have had something to do with me guarding the huge box woods with a lethal weapon. Their loss would have been like the death of an old friend. Yes, I was tense, stressed and a bit angry.

But you know what? Behind every problem or upset there is always something worth laughing about. It's true! You just have to find it and sometimes you have to 'dig' (pun totally intended) pretty deep.

And I did find it. We discovered during the digging that our yard may be green on top, but it is 100% southern Alabama clay beneath that, and I must admit it was funny watching the men trying to work in the rain, mud and clay and stay upright. It was a 'slide down, struggle to get up, then hit the ground again on your already muddy butt' process. Sometimes you have to get your laughter where you can find it.

August has never been a good month for me. It must be the heat or the humidity, or wait, add the gnats, mosquitoes and armadillos.

Yes, the armadillos had been invading the pretty grass before the excavator arrived but there was an upside to this. Apparently, armadillos are afraid of the huge, noisy machines and they high-tailed it over to someone else's yard.

Again, take your wins where you find them no matter how small.

At least we haven't been bothered by hurricanes so far, knock on wood.

I think a big Cat 4 right now would be my undoing. I need a few months to wind down and rediscover my equilibrium or Christmas will be cancelled.

So, I went looking for something about August that would make me laugh or at least smile, because this entire month has presented itself as a major struggle to stay productive or at least cool. My search was lengthy and not altogether successful. Apparently, August is not a favorite month of anyone, unless it's your birthday. (But what's great about that? You're a year older).

So, let me tell you that when I read a quote by 82-year-old Mick Jagger that said, "There's nothing good about getting older" I had to laugh. Did he say 'older' or August? I thought we were talking about August. Maybe I misread it or maybe he meant to say 'August' because anyone over the age of 65 already knowns there is nothing good about either one of the two.

I did see one funny cartoon about August. Two people were deciding where to go for vacation. One suggested Washington, DC and the other said, "No, can't go there. I have a nut allergy." What can I say, heat makes people crazy, and it's probably why Congress shuts down for the entire month of (Drum Roll) AUGUST!

One way I can suggest for making it through August is to distract yourself with something more pleasant. Have you got a bucket list? No? Well, make one. It doesn't have to be filled with dangerous or dramatic ideas. Just something that chills you out and makes you happy inside, like biting into a slice of a fresh seedless watermelon that's been chilling in the creek all day or a chocolate milkshake from a place you've never been. Just be sure to skip the heat, sweat or anything that involves replacing water pipes.

In conclusion, we do have water now and the only remaining irritation is the ugly, wide line of red clay running across my yard, still to be dealt with. But, when I'm cooking, or showering I still consider it all a victory as do my stately box woods.

You know, I think someone should write a book called Chicken Soup for the August Soul. Even if it doesn't make you smile you can at least use it as a fan.